glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
