Rock
Scissors
Fuck
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
