sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize