you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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