I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
