i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
