when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
