Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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