believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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