Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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