If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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