There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
