I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
