I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
