i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You're a waste of cheezeits
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
