apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
