I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I can't turn off my feet"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
