OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
