Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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