I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
