I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
