It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
