wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
