Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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