For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
