is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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