I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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