You really coming over, don't trick.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
