dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
