I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
