3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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