True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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