and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
