Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
