I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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