every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
