that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
