this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize