i already hear my dad disowning me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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