Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
