So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize