that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
