if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm like, not good at living.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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