I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
