lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
