I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
