I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
