he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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