hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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