i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
