May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
