I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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