Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
