Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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