umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you traded sex for a burrito?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
