i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
