I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
