somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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