smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
