How'd it feel making her break her religion?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
