By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize