I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
