these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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