i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
