How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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