hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
