dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
