OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
