This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just pee around me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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