She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
