went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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